23 years old / male / student / homo

LimeEmerald182 on aim

GPOY'S

My Porn Blog

13th August 2011

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My Landmark Forum

This weekend, I’m doing something called The Landmark Forum. Has anyone heard of it?

It’s not self help.. like at all. Honestly, I dont know how to describe it. It’s basically learning a new way of thinking in order to get exactly what you want out of life. You learn how to confront and control your fear in order to gain life. You learn how to ignore that little voice in your head and do what you thought of doing in the first place. You learn that you are responsible for everything that “happens to you” because you create a “story” around it in order to make your life work the way you want it to.

One of the big things for me that I’ve learned is that that voice in my/your head that tell you not to do something, that I use for justifying not doing something (quite literally on a daily basis) that could be good for me… that voice is just that - a ┬ávoice. It’s not a real thing. It’s not real. The Forum helps you learn to ignore that voice because it keeps you from making changes and decisions that are going to impact you in a positive or negative way. Even if the outcome is negative, you were true to yourself in doing what you set out to do. I am allowed to mess up. I am allowed to fail. It took me 21 hours of (sometimes painful) insight to be able to admit that I am able to fail and I will still be here because you know what? I didn’t actually fail. The venture failed. The idea failed. I’m still fine, I’m breathing, I’m living. I can pick up and move on.

We are given assignments each break and each night. One of the assignments was to call someone who you have been inauthentic with in your life for whatever reason, and to create a new possibility with that person. I called my Dad first, for a couple of reasons, and I told him that I take full responsibility for the parts of our relationship that we are missing over the past few years and that I was sorry if he felt like I “blamed” him for things that have happened in our family. This is completely out of character for me, and doing something like admitting those things and taking responsibility for the things we create in our minds (our interpretations we create as part of our “story”) is a major part of the Forum. The disappointing part of this for me tonight was when I mustered up the courage to get up in front of this room of 150 strangers, who had been so willing to share with me and be totally open with their lives with me, I was told I was still holding back. I was told I was still holding in a lot of fear. This sort of crushed me for a little while, then I realized my Forum leader was right. I was “looking good and avoiding looking bad” when I wasn’t being truthful with myself - the person I should have called is my mom. I plan on talking to her when she gets home.

Tomorrow, I will have my breakthrough. I will “pop”, as they say. I am intent on having the life I know I deserve and I am absolutely intent on getting this, my life, right. I’ve got a lot more work to do on myself, and I know that. It may take more than this three and a half day Forum, but at least I will be equipped with the tools the create the life I want.

Tagged: landmark forumlifepersonal

  1. danceanthem posted this